Don't read this if you are easily offended by anything remotely sexual
I originally wrote this on another forum so the part about the psychobabble expert and the beginning nursery rhyme will not make much sense to anyone here on blogger.
I originally wrote this on another forum so the part about the psychobabble expert and the beginning nursery rhyme will not make much sense to anyone here on blogger.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down
And Jill started bitching at him(typical damned woman)
And pushed him down the hill
And ran off with the dish
While the cat played a fiddle
There now, that should be enough to cover up the actual words of this blog . Not that I really care if anyone reads it. Most people never comment anyway. I think the resident psychobable expert must have scared them all away from associating with me. After all who wants to associate with the town whore and awful awful person who doesn't subscribe to psychobabble to cure what ails them.
OM OM OM breathe in, breathe out... I am from the stars or the moon or the celestial body that blew up a long long time ago and I bring you tidings of great joy for unto you is born this day the ascended master who will guide you to nirvana ............
AHHH, nevermind. I can't quite wrap myself around that crap . I just haven't reached weirdo stage yet.
Anyway, getting back to the subject of my sex life. Truth be known, I have not been under the covers with a man since 2010. (except in my mind of course) . I am quite selective about who wraps themselves around my hot body and enters my secret garden and there aren't many out there that I feel meet my standards. And the ones that do are impossible dreams who live a thousand or more miles away and sometimes over the ocean , or over the rainbow or have sunk to the bottom of the ocean with Atlantis .
So there ya have it. My sex life in a nutshell. But never fear, I am not dead yet. I hold out hope for a new beginning. I'm just waiting a few years until I become a virgin again so I can do it right this time around . Speaking of...... well should I tell this story or not?? Yeah, I might as well go for it. Hmm that reminds me of something I saw .....let me go find it.
Ok, so I was really young. Illegal young to be exact. Though back in those days they didn't really think too much about these things . My best friend and her boyfriend who later became her husband wanted to go riding around downtown. That was about all there was to do in the Indiana town. Ride up and down main street and pull into parking lots and sit on the hood of your car and watch all the other people riding up and down main street until you saw someone you knew, or they saw you and pulled into the parking lot and sat on their cars and watched other cars riding up and down main street until they saw someone........ well you get the picture. After awhile there would be a big crowd of teenagers and early 20's assembled in the parking lot (these days they would be run off by the POlice).
As the night wore on, you would notice people pairing up , if they didn't already have someone, and then slowly the parking lot would empty out till there were just a few stragglers left behind. Well, I was the third wheel that night and though she will never admit it, my friend and her boyfriend wanted to be alone so he conveniently convinced (probably bribed) one of the guys he knew, some "older" guy from work to pretend he was interested in me and ask me to go riding with him.
Silly me, I was all flattered and stuff because an older guy thought I was "cute" UGH. So off I go with this guy I had never met before (dumbass girl !!)
We ride around for awhile and he pulls me over to sit next to him. Back then the front seat of the cars usually sat three people. Then he tells me he has to stop by his house for a bit and he would show me his Harley. So we go to his house and he shows me his Harley and I think it is all cool and everything. Gosh I was easily impressed back then.
We sit down in his den and he turns on the stereo and rolls a joint. I'm thinking maybe this is not a good idea because I was kind of a goody two shoes at that point in life. That changed a year later, but that is another story. He offers it to me and I turn it down. So after awhile we start making out. Which was fine, kissing was fine. I wasn't that much of a goody two shoes. Well the making out got kind of heavy and we all know what happens when a guy gets turned on.
Next thing I know he is pulling it out......and I am thinking UH-OH and looking for an escape hatch......
He says to me "kiss it"............ which totally freaked me out because I had only a couple of years ago figured out that people had sex (those were more innocent times mind you) and here this guy is telling me to kiss it. I didn't know there was such a thing as oral sex. My mind is freaking out and I was really scared and thinking "this guy is crazy, he wants me to kiss his you know whatey" and he gets more demanding and I am thinking if I don't do what he says, I he will probably strangle me and chop me into little pieces and bury me in his back yard.
So, not knowing what he meant, I took it literally and leaned down and kissed it LMAO, hoping that would be it. But he says, "blow me".......... WHAT??? My poor mind is racing..... "Why does he want me to blow on it?" That's it, I am making my escape now, because this is all too weird. I told him I really needed to go home and I left. I was much relieved to see he did not follow me with a machete or something !!
Well in later years when I was more in the know about such things I used to laugh about this. I'm glad I didn't start blowing on it. I am sure I would have been the butt of many jokes between him and his friends.
I didn't tell my friend and her boyfriend until years later and she was all shocked about it. I still kid her about the time she set me up with the pervert.
BUT....... had I been older and more experienced ..... this story might have been different.
Now I leave you with a poem I wrote a few months ago. Don't read this if you are easily offended by anything sexual. I know I have posted it before so if you read it , well enjoy it again LOL. Oh yeah, sorry this is so long. Just consider it a big puff of fluff for the day. And there may be more to come because I drank a lot of unsweetened tea and I am quite wound up now.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Beautiful Lie
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down
And Jill started bitching at him(typical damned woman)
And pushed him down the hill
And ran off with the dish
While the cat played a fiddle
There now, that should be enough to cover up the actual words of this blog . Not that I really care if anyone reads it. Most people never comment anyway. I think the resident psychobable expert must have scared them all away from associating with me. After all who wants to associate with the town whore and awful awful person who doesn't subscribe to psychobabble to cure what ails them.
OM OM OM breathe in, breathe out... I am from the stars or the moon or the celestial body that blew up a long long time ago and I bring you tidings of great joy for unto you is born this day the ascended master who will guide you to nirvana ............
AHHH, nevermind. I can't quite wrap myself around that crap . I just haven't reached weirdo stage yet.
Anyway, getting back to the subject of my sex life. Truth be known, I have not been under the covers with a man since 2010. (except in my mind of course) . I am quite selective about who wraps themselves around my hot body and enters my secret garden and there aren't many out there that I feel meet my standards. And the ones that do are impossible dreams who live a thousand or more miles away and sometimes over the ocean , or over the rainbow or have sunk to the bottom of the ocean with Atlantis .
So there ya have it. My sex life in a nutshell. But never fear, I am not dead yet. I hold out hope for a new beginning. I'm just waiting a few years until I become a virgin again so I can do it right this time around . Speaking of...... well should I tell this story or not?? Yeah, I might as well go for it. Hmm that reminds me of something I saw .....let me go find it.
Ok, so I was really young. Illegal young to be exact. Though back in those days they didn't really think too much about these things . My best friend and her boyfriend who later became her husband wanted to go riding around downtown. That was about all there was to do in the Indiana town. Ride up and down main street and pull into parking lots and sit on the hood of your car and watch all the other people riding up and down main street until you saw someone you knew, or they saw you and pulled into the parking lot and sat on their cars and watched other cars riding up and down main street until they saw someone........ well you get the picture. After awhile there would be a big crowd of teenagers and early 20's assembled in the parking lot (these days they would be run off by the POlice).
As the night wore on, you would notice people pairing up , if they didn't already have someone, and then slowly the parking lot would empty out till there were just a few stragglers left behind. Well, I was the third wheel that night and though she will never admit it, my friend and her boyfriend wanted to be alone so he conveniently convinced (probably bribed) one of the guys he knew, some "older" guy from work to pretend he was interested in me and ask me to go riding with him.
Silly me, I was all flattered and stuff because an older guy thought I was "cute" UGH. So off I go with this guy I had never met before (dumbass girl !!)
We ride around for awhile and he pulls me over to sit next to him. Back then the front seat of the cars usually sat three people. Then he tells me he has to stop by his house for a bit and he would show me his Harley. So we go to his house and he shows me his Harley and I think it is all cool and everything. Gosh I was easily impressed back then.
We sit down in his den and he turns on the stereo and rolls a joint. I'm thinking maybe this is not a good idea because I was kind of a goody two shoes at that point in life. That changed a year later, but that is another story. He offers it to me and I turn it down. So after awhile we start making out. Which was fine, kissing was fine. I wasn't that much of a goody two shoes. Well the making out got kind of heavy and we all know what happens when a guy gets turned on.
Next thing I know he is pulling it out......and I am thinking UH-OH and looking for an escape hatch......
He says to me "kiss it"............ which totally freaked me out because I had only a couple of years ago figured out that people had sex (those were more innocent times mind you) and here this guy is telling me to kiss it. I didn't know there was such a thing as oral sex. My mind is freaking out and I was really scared and thinking "this guy is crazy, he wants me to kiss his you know whatey" and he gets more demanding and I am thinking if I don't do what he says, I he will probably strangle me and chop me into little pieces and bury me in his back yard.
So, not knowing what he meant, I took it literally and leaned down and kissed it LMAO, hoping that would be it. But he says, "blow me".......... WHAT??? My poor mind is racing..... "Why does he want me to blow on it?" That's it, I am making my escape now, because this is all too weird. I told him I really needed to go home and I left. I was much relieved to see he did not follow me with a machete or something !!
Well in later years when I was more in the know about such things I used to laugh about this. I'm glad I didn't start blowing on it. I am sure I would have been the butt of many jokes between him and his friends.
I didn't tell my friend and her boyfriend until years later and she was all shocked about it. I still kid her about the time she set me up with the pervert.
BUT....... had I been older and more experienced ..... this story might have been different.
Now I leave you with a poem I wrote a few months ago. Don't read this if you are easily offended by anything sexual. I know I have posted it before so if you read it , well enjoy it again LOL. Oh yeah, sorry this is so long. Just consider it a big puff of fluff for the day. And there may be more to come because I drank a lot of unsweetened tea and I am quite wound up now.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Beautiful Lie
furtive glances across the room
beating hearts in the black of night
fingers fumbling, reaching, grasping
hard, pulsing, thickness
lips parting, teasing, tasting
licking, sucking, erupting
hot lava dripping down
chin, breasts, belly,
awkward, hurried, embarrassed
goodbyes
lust tells such beautiful lies
beating hearts in the black of night
fingers fumbling, reaching, grasping
hard, pulsing, thickness
lips parting, teasing, tasting
licking, sucking, erupting
hot lava dripping down
chin, breasts, belly,
awkward, hurried, embarrassed
goodbyes
lust tells such beautiful lies
~Lia 2013
