Come, let us reason together

I've raised five children who are now adults, some with children of their own. I was also primary care giver for one of my grandchildren for the first five years of her life. In addition to that, I ran a home daycare in South Carolina for 15 years, so I know a little about childish behavior!  

Most of us who have raised children know that little ones are prone to temper tantrums from time to time. Mine were no different.

 Toddlers especially, are prone to this kind of behavior. I think it is because they are unable to verbalize their frustrations, so they throw a fit to try to get the attention they need, to make a parent understand that they needed or wanted something.   Temper tantrums in young non-verbal toddlers are understandable.  But as a parent, we cannot give in to those tantrums, because even a two year old easily learns the art of manipulation.  And that behavior continues into the preschool and school age years, and on into the teenage years if we let it continue.

When my children were young they would sometimes throw a tantrum screaming and crying etc.  But they learned very quickly that screaming and crying and kicking and throwing toys would get them nowhere.    What I would do when they started that behavior is sit and watch them for a bit without speaking. They would look at me and scream or cry and one of the kids used to love to tell me "I don't like you anymore"   Hahahaha!!!  I always told her, " That's okay, but I still love you".   

After the tantrum went on for a bit, I would tell the child very calmly that I was going to leave the room while they threw their fit, but when they were done, I would be in there waiting to hug them and talk, so we could figure out what was bothering them and try to fix it.  WIthin a minute or so, they would inevitably come into the room I was in sobbing and reaching out for their hug. 

Those tantrums didn't go on for too long. They each learned that sitting down calmly and talking about what was bothering them was a better way. They also learned that they can't always have things the way they wanted, but sometimes they had to compromise.   And for the most part, this continued into the teenage years. Except for my firstborn who was a rebellious little spitfire who gave me my first gray hair!!!   

My kids were very well behaved in public also. We could take them anywhere without worrying about them acting up and oftentimes a stranger would come up and compliment us on how well behaved the kids were.  I'm not bragging about this, but I am trying to make a point that bad behavior if  not put in check, will continue even into adulthood. And if you give in to those tantrums, even once, then they learn to use a temper tantrum to manipulate you and other people. 

I see it all the time in stores where the child is throwing a fit over some toy they want and the parent first tells them no, and the screaming and crying and kicking goes on and eventually they give in.  So what happens the next time???  Same thing.  

I've watched over the last week as our country is being torn apart.  I understand the anger and frustration over that heinous act by that police officer. And all of the other cases of brutality and bigotry over the years.  It is heartbreaking.  I don't think there is a caring person in this world who watched that video and was not angered and saddened by it.  I also know that there are good cops, and bad cops, there are good people and bad people, of all races.  And most people just want to live their lives in peace and get along with their neighbors.  It's sad that a few bad apples spoil the whole lot.

So right now, people are out trying to get their voice heard, and that is good.  As an American, I fully support the right to protest, peacefully.  People fought and died for that right.

But I cannot condone the violence, the looting, the burning of buildings, the assaults on fellow citizens, both black and white.  I will be 65 years old this summer and I have seen violence in my lifetime. It is never pretty and I have  learned that violence never solved anything. 

I admire and respect  the people who are out there PEACEFULLY marching trying to make a statement, but those who are destroying life and property?  I am sorry, I cannot respect that behavior and that behavior is not going to be what changes things in this country.  This crap is doing nothing but hurting the very people that are already hurting. The poor black communities, and white, hispanic, asian....  

I watched as one elderly black lady cried because the stores in her community had been destroyed. She has no car and has to walk to the grocery store and now it is gone.  I've watched some very articulate and wise black leaders beg people to stop this violence.  And mind you, it is not all blacks who are doing this. There are lots and lots of white kids out there, maybe even more whites than blacks.  

There are legitimate protesters, peacefully trying to be a voice for change, then there are the opportunists both black and white who are using this tragedy as a way to get "stuff " or to wreak havoc. They aren't trying to bring about change and they certainly are not honoring the memory of George Floyd or any of the others whose lives were taken.    

And then there are the most vile group of them all, the ones who are being paid to destroy, and to provoke others to violence.  

Something has to give, something has to change, but change will not, and cannot be brought about through violence.

A lot of these people are young, and maybe they don't know how to express their anger and frustration, but it is time they learned.  It's time for them to stop the temper tantrums and sit down and talk.

Come, let us reason together....


~Lia 6/3/2020