I haven't written in a long time, and I don't know how much I will write here, but I just wanted to try to type something so people don't think I went to the land where nobody knows your name (everyone has an idea of the afterlife, so fill in the blank with your own beliefs) _______________ .
I'm doing my Spring cleaning which is something my Grandma and my Mom always did right before Easter back in the olden days when I was a kid. Wayyyy back then in the middle of the last century of the last millenium. The other day my granddaughter asked me " Nana, when were you born?" I told her I was born a long time ago in the middle of the last century of the last millenium. She looked kind of confused so I explained to her about centuries and milleniums and by the look on her face, I think I might just be ancient in her eyes. Then she said "but what year were you born?" So I had to tell her that I was born in 1955. Her eyes got real big and she says " you are old Nana". Thanks kid, don't remind me. I looked in the mirror the other day and told myself the same thing. And I don't even know how this happened. Life is so fleeting...
Well none of that has anything to do with Spring cleaning. Florida doesn't really have a Spring so my Spring cleaning usually starts at the beginning of January. But I was sick in January and it took most of the month to get back to normal and then suddenly it was the 10th of February and I realized I had better get started because in the blink of the eye, it will be hot here and I don't do Spring cleaning when it is hot. Another thing that spurred me on this morning, was when I was reading to my granddaughter, which we do every night. She was laying down on the sofa with her head in my lap and she interrupts me, and says "Nana, we need to save those cobwebs for when World War 3 starts, because it is going to start soon". She notices cobwebs under a wall shelf because of the way she was lying down and looking up. Two things disturbed me about her comment. One, the lesser one, was the fact that I had not seen those cobwebs myself, because I am normally a pretty thorough housekeeper. But what disturbed me the most was that a ten year old has to even think about WWlll. What a shitty world we live in... Oh, the reason she wanted to save the cobwebs for when the war started, was because she had just learned how they would use cobwebs in the Civil War to stop bleeding in wounds.
For most of last year I have been in a funk for reasons I should not have to explain if anyone has read the couple of posts I put up this year. Back in 2010 I spent a year or so in a deep depressive state, a really bad one. I wrote my way out of that state and one of the last things I wrote, was a description of what it felt like and a promise that I would NEVER let that dark cloud overtake me again. It's not something a person can understand until they have been there, but I am a strong person so it was not a pleasant experience for me to be wallowing in the darkness and I determined to get out of it. With what has transpired over the last year, I guess I would be justified to just give in and wallow for a year. But I wasn't going to let that happen. That depression way back then was because of a situation that I probably could have avoided, but I was stupid and let myself get wrapped up in something that was not in my best interests. I wrote about all of that back on Multiply so I won't go down that silly trail again. It all seems so ridiculous now and just a blip on the screen of life.
This year, this situation shook me, but it didn't break me. It hurts to know your child was in so much pain that she didn't want to live. But I know, that she would not want me to give up, she would want me to go on living and not to wallow in sadness. And it hurts to lose a young man, an "adopted son" to a bioweapon. That really hurts. But life has to go on, we have to move forward. And yes the grief is there and it may be there for a long time, but LIFE is worth living and so I go on...
Well that's it for today. I need to get back to my spring cleaning and figure out how to save cobwebs!!
Much love,
Lia 2/10/2022
I have not started Spring cleaning yet. Just keeping up with the housework for now. Too dang cold and snowy. Still can't see any grass from the piles of snow but at least we've been over freezing most of the week and they are slowly shrinking. I understand why you start now since you are in the "land of eternal Summer."
ReplyDeleteYou are right about what a messed up world it is. Your granddaughter shouldn't be thinking about WWIII. I did not know that about cobwebs used like that in the Civil War. Learn something new everyday.
It's true no one knows about living in the darkness unless you've been there. I was a very long time ago myself.
Grief is a long process. I was watching a movie the other day and the character mentioned grief. "You don't get over it, you move through it."
(((Hugs)))
It's way too early to start Spring cleaning up there. Just concentrate on shoveling snow!!! I had heard the thing about cobwebs, read it somewhere, but I had forgotten about it. Now she is going to make me keep all the cobwebs she finds. Motivation for me to be diligent about cleaning before she sees them lol.
DeleteI think a lot of people have experienced at least one dark period in their lives. Mine way back then was so bad, I will never let myself get into that place again. Have a great week my friend!
I moved into this hpuse summer of 2019....started Spring Cleaning February of 2020 and I am still working on it...I hope to get it finished by Fall...thinking about selling the house...too much growth around here...have 1.5 acres really need at least 5!
ReplyDeleteI do hear what you are saying...it's so bad it's obvious to a 4-5-6-8-10 year old...the "people" (I won't use what I believe to be appropriate adjectives) really seem to want a war with someone...anyone...don't know how much of it is corruption, incompetence and/or malfeasance but all that matters is the result...and it's been VERY obvious for many years and certainly painfully obvious for the last few.
I understand the deep depression that last a considerable period of time...been there and have come out the other side. I don't plan on going through it again but I have to say that looking around and watching...well....one could easily fall back into it.
My Mother used to say "it's not my world anymore..." and I didn't get it when she said it but I do now...wish she was still here but maybe it's better that she isn't so she does not have to see what we see.
Enjoy every day of your short Florida Spring! We are past Winter here and I'll soon be mowing the lawn (and getting my vitamin D). This will be an even crazier year and all we can do is watch, prepare and try to stay sane and productive...so many people have already lost the sanity part.
It's GREAT the email alerts are still working!
Good to see you. I was hoping you got a notice, but if I didn't hear from you I was going to send an email with a link. I remember when my kids' grandfather was 90, he told me the same thing. He said it was not his world anymore and he was tired. He passed away at the age of 93. I know you miss your mom, but I honestly think this old world would be too much for her. Heck it is almost too much for me too. I don't watch the news anymore, I don't want to see it, and it is mostly lies anyway. Lies and propaganda! But I can't avoid seeing things when I get online. Makes me enjoy my humble little abode here.
DeleteGood luck on selling your house. Hopefully you can get it sold before the housing market goes downhill again. Have a great week dear!
I agree...it's better my Mother is not hear to see all that is happening and like you I am completely disconnected from mainstream media...really have been for a long time now because it's all lies, propaganda and noise and though it's easy to see through why waste the time. I gotta say I have not been this stress free since I was in grade school. So many decades of either high stress high hour jobs or a decade of equally high stress dementia care...it's GREAT to have it behind me. I do hope the housing market hangs in for another year...want MORE land, more isolation and then plan on going off grid...I want MY water, my power and my septic system! Should be a nice weekend here...close to 70 & sunny AND I plan on enjoying it like I do EVERY day AND I wish the same for you!
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